From reluctance to wholeheartedness

I want to share some thoughts about finding and deciding to follow my wholehearted YES from within – instead of the usual, well-known and safe but lukewarm and reluctant yes, that I had gotten used to (because you have to be “responsible and sensible”, right?). Or just saying no habitually/straight away, because I was so scared of getting myself into something that I felt I couldn’t easily get out of again.

This heart-centered decision-making is still quite new to me and at times still shaky, since I honestly don’t have that much practice in acting from my (whole) heart – and I had to search my soul for years, to figure out what that even means to me. It has been especially challenging regarding work-related issues – well, come to think of it; actually, most choices that involved other people with their own preferences/agendas (which you as a highly sensitive are perfectly aware of..).
It is just that the safe, but not genuinely fitting, was slowly but effectively draining the “life juices” out of me.
-In addition, my limiting belief system, conditioning and lack of self-confidence were only allowing me to set the bar very very low when it came to believing in alternative possibilities for myself.
We so often let our mind/ego tell us which decisions to make, and it always has a ton of (old) words of warning to keep us protected and out of any danger (bless it, at least for its good intentions..). 
Initially well-intended but fear-based voices from the past, often end up being the main thing holding you stuck in places that are slowly draining the life out of you – if you keep listening to them!

When it comes to us sensitive and/or artistic creatures; we just can’t thrive in jobs that don’t speak to our hearts or has some shred of personal meaning to us, I think…. not in the long run, anyway.

So I won’t listen to those voices anymore: I simply have to carve my own path; to follow my particular interests, values and sense of meaning in life. Because if I don’t and just continue to keep it safe – then I am simply going to slowly wither away, I feel (dramatic as it might sound).
This probably applies to anybody with highly sensitive traits as well as a passionate heart. 
-I just ponder what a difference it would have made if we learned from childhood to trust in and follow our intuition and gut-feeling since this is where the truest answer always shows up; we feel it in our body responses in the moment of choice. For example, a sinking, heavy feeling in your chest (heavy heart) or to feel a knot in your stomach means; thanks, but NO thanks… while your true YES feels light, uplifting, expansive and ignites your passion.
My journey towards wholeheartedness has been long and winding, with a lot of pitfalls and setbacks. From an (unconscious) sense of being a helpless victim of whatever my surroundings seemed to want me to do; to increasing awareness, a slowly growing self-acceptance and finally enough sense of personal power and self-love to steer my life in my own way and direction. 

Now, I just have to learn to trust in this new heart-driven motivation – but I assume it must be like building any muscle; it gets stronger the more you practice!

 

 

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