When using the words: “Always” or “Never” about a situation, it is often a statement made by your wounded inner child, who once perceived it exactly like that. As you can figure or perhaps have experienced similarly yourself, it is a rather depressing belief to live by. NO drive in that one.
Another thing I have often wondered about; is how on earth some people can be motivated or inspired by being criticized or having to prove themselves; to prove their worth. For some they seem to get spurred by it, wanting to do their absolute best. To “show them”!
Our society seems to be in a trance with this competitive attitude and attempting to win or be the “best” at practically everything, that can be made into a competition.
It is a rather masculine approach; this competitive mindset. It must originate from the old “survival of the fittest” belief system.
I instead, will most likely lose my drive under such circumstances. I will feel discouraged by the pressure, eventually lose my drive, joy and creativity and probably soon give up. I prefer a gentler, freer, more playful and explorative approach with absolutely nothing to prove.
Preferably attempting to express an intrinsic value I’ve found in something, like a tribute to life’s beauty: a declaration of love. Or perhaps trying to convey a certain realization I’ve had. I’m not sure, but a more feminine approach? For me it could pretty much be traced down to: does this feel like being driven by love or driven by fear?
The Chronic fatigue syndrome for me probably (at least partly) stems from being driven, more or less consciously, by fear for far too long. And simply being too sensitive to “uphold” that state of being anymore.
Like Pete Walker states in his book about complex PTSD; he calls it to always have this underlying sense of being forced in life: a certain alertness. At times, it takes the backseat but basically, a little fear is “simmering” below the surface, always. It’s exhausting in the long run for your body.
I can’t be driven by fear anymore. Well, not without getting sick again, I’m sure.
Like many sensitive kindred-spirits, I have for a long time longed to just be “allowed” to let my own organic life force drive me: it’s flows and rhythms and natural tendencies. It’s curiosities and sense of wonder.
Not to have to prove my worth or value – but to instead express life’s innate worth and immense value; which is the same as my own and everybody else’s innate worth and immense value.
It takes trust to live like that; a trust that still escapes me, sometimes. But it feels like I’ve finally tip-toed onto the right pathJ
Here’s a little mouse-fellow I drew for my book the other day. It’s great to re-discover the joy of drawing!
Thizzles can actually be quite pretty too;)